And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I want to have your abortion
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
