lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
