dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
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I threw up into my coffee this morning.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
3pm strippers are depressing
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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