There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
