I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
