I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
