I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
we're so committed to being not committed
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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