NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
