i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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