trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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