One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize