She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize