Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
