No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
