Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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