She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
