I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
