Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
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So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
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You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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