we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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