I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
