He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
