my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
