Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
