We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
