best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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