i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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