I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.