So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
