if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.