If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
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I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
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I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?