How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
