help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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