I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
