i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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