Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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