Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
there's paper in my vomit.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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