i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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