Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
there is glitter all over my balls
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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