I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
