and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
