i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He? As in you personified your dick?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
