I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
