Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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