So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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