Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
