I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
