Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
40s are totally the cure
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
