I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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