? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What a dumb baby whore.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
