Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
