i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Pants are for mortals
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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