If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
