Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
