Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
home. puking in laundry basket.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
