I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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