Just fell off a train. Bad.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
