I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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