There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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