her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
