the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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