Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
