just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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