Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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