Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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