So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
