names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
