How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
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Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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