Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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