nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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