There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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