Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just threw up on my dentist
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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