i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
