if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
