good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
