so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
