you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
