just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
