His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
