so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize