Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
