Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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