got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
